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Great, he replied. He worked as some kind of consultant for an NGO and had been stationed for a year in a war-torn African country.

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We had a pleasant exchange of texts, a couple of warm conversations with decent rapport. My immediate reaction was repulsion, followed by a kind of morbid curiosity.

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Was there something to learn here? He tried begging.

He tried calling. In one aggrieved text he wrote, I work so hard at my job.

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You cannot mold your spouse into something that you want. They offered the following strategies to help make the right choice: 1.

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Think the old-fashioned way. And can they responsibly handle money? Do other people like your partner?

You don't need to make the choice entirely on your own, older women say.